VA Meeting

[notapilot]

Jessica, one of Sam's longest attendees, was just raising her hand to speak when Sam noticed Steve at the doorway at the side of the hall. He kept his focus on Jessica but gave a little head nod so Steve would know he'd been seen. Steve didn't seem to want to make a fuss, so Sam kept quiet about it. Plus, this was the veterans time, not his.

"The thing is," Jessica said, bringing Sam's full attention back to her, "I think it's getting worse. A cop pulled me over last week, he thought I was drunk. I swerved to miss a plastic bag. I thought it was an IED."

Sam could hear the worry in her voice and see it reflected in the eyes of many of the other veterans present. "Some stuff you leave there," he replied, "other stuff you bring back. It's our job to figure out how we'll carry it. Is it gonna be a big steamer trunk or an overnight bag? Hard to say. But I can tell you one thing, we've all been trained in how to not only carry our kit, but to pack it as well. We can carry the extra stuff when we need to, but we also know how to repack it don't we? So we all need to take a good, honest look at what we are carrying and decide how best to pack it."

Several heads nodded in understanding and Sam spared himself a small smile. "Looks like that's it for time. As always, if anyone wants to talk with me one-on-one, I'm available any time."

Comments

[notapilot]

Sam nods an acceptance and then shrugs.

"After that, I had really hard time finding a reason for being over there, you know?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

It's all hitting really close to home for Steve.

So he asks, "Are you happy now, back in the world?" because...because somebody has to be.

Right?

[notapilot]

He rocks back on his heels a bit before answering.

"Hey, the number of people giving me orders is down to about zero. So, hell, yeah." He says with a nod. Then, because he can tell this is going serious, even if the tones are overt, "You thinking about getting out?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Reflexively, Steve shakes his head. "No."

But...

"I don't know." With a half-smile, because he knows it's not an answer either way. "To be honest, I don't know what I'd do with myself if I did."

[notapilot]

He's heard this before, from so many people, that it'd be funny if it wasn't so damn serious.

Still, he gives a smug smile. "Ultimate fighting?"

"It's just a great idea off the top of my head. But seriously, you could do whatever you want to do. What makes you happy?"

[thekidfrombrooklyn]

Steve gazes into the distance a moment.

He hasn't drawn anything for weeks.

He hardly sees Orpheus even though they live in the same apartment and sleep in the same bed.

Peggy doesn't remember that he's back from day to day.

He's friendly with his team--both of them--but they're not exactly friends.

Even his discovery of his new century feels more like lessons than discovering new things to enjoy, sometimes.

And is it happiness, what any of these things and people give him?

"I don't know," he says out loud.

[notapilot]

Sam knows that look, from his work if not the mirror.

"Fair enough. Sometimes we don't have an answer. Important thing is to remember to ask ourselves from time to time until we have an answer."